


Don't Worry So Much

by Moose_likes_the_gay



Category: Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Apologies, Bad Flirting, Bathing/Washing, Bed-Wetting, Body Image, Breakfast, Comforting, Crushes, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Jokes, Embarrassment, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grinding, Hurt/Comfort, Incontinence, Love Confessions, M/M, Nicknames, Nightmares, Omorashi, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Showers, Sick Character, Sickfic, Sleep Paralysis, Sleeping Together, Sleepy Cuddles, Wetting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:25:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moose_likes_the_gay/pseuds/Moose_likes_the_gay
Summary: Ryland is used being woken up by Alex one way or another.Things are a bit different than he expected this time around.





	1. Chapter 1

Ryland was used to being woken up by Alex one way or another. He had never been a very heavy sleeper, and their walls were pretty thin, so it wasn't uncommon for him to be woken up. 

Sometimes it would be the sound of Alex opening the fridge to get a beer every fifteen minutes, only for it to stop when he passes out at three a.m. Other times it would be Alex drunkenly stumbling home from a bar at midnight, nearly tripping on his way to his couch. 

Occasionally, Alex would wake Ryland purposefully. Hesitantly knocking on his bedroom door, he stood shyly in his doorway, asking for comfort after a particularly bad nightmare he didn't want to talk about. Ryland would offer to let Alex sleep in his bed. Alex always declined. His face always said more than just 'No, thanks.' but Ryland could never read it.

Lately, the sound of Alex frantically running past Rylands room, to their bathroom at the end of the hall, had become more frequent over the last month. Ryland hadn't thought much of it. Alex was always getting drunk, he assumed he was just going to vomit his guts out after having a little too much to drink. 

But that night was different. For once, Alex went to sleep before Ryland. He wasn't even drunk. He never heard Alex go to grab a beer, or heard him leave the apartment. He wasn't sick. Ryland groaned, his concern for Alex outweighing his desperate need for sleep.

He slowly padded into the hallway, turning the brightness on his phone up to help him see.

Alex was standing near the end of the hallway, his back facing Ryland. He could barely see him.

"Alex? What're'ya doin'?"

Alex whimpered, turning to see Ryland.

"You okay?"

Ryland pointed the light of his phone towards Alex.  
He winced, as if the light would hurt him.

Alex's boxers were wet, clinging to his skin. There was a small puddle beneath him.

"I-I had an accident…"

Those words were so childish. Coming from anyone else, they would've sounded ridiculous. But they sounded so normal coming from Alex.

Ryland slowly moved towards him.

"I'm s-sorry."

"It's okay."

Ryland was never very good at comforting people. He never really cared about anyone enough to try.  
Not until he met Alex.

"Please don't be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad?"

Alex didn't respond. He instead whimpered again.

He hugged Alex, ignoring how his own boxers dampened when he pulled Alex closer. He had to do laundry anyway.

Ryland pulled away from the hug.

"How about you go get a shower, I'll handle everything else, okay buddy?" Alex nodded sheepishly. He carefully lead Alex to the bathroom.

"I'm gonna go get you some clean clothes, okay?"

Another nod. 

Ryland left, closing the bathroom door. He sighed. He had a lot of work to do at 2:00 a.m.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Ryland waited for Alex to get out of the shower. He knew Alex didn't want to to talk about this, but Ryland wanted to help him.

Alex hesitantly walked to his couch, knowing that Ryland would want to talk to him.

"Ry, I don't wanna talk about this."

"Do you really want to deal with this by yourself?"

"N-no."

"Then let me help you."

Alex reluctantly sat next to Ryland. Ryland moved closer to him.

"Has this been happening for a while?"

Alex nodded. "When I was 21, I think? Early band days. It started to get in the way, so I went to the doctor."

"And?"

Alex shrugged. "Turned out I was incontinent."

"Oh." 

"Yeah. It sucked dick. But after a couple weeks it stopped. I was fine 'til recently."

Ryland thought for a moment.

"What happened?"

"Hmm?"

"Why is it happening again?"

Alex shrugged. "I-I don't know. It sucks though."

Alex almost fell forward, dozing off for a second.

"Maybe we should have this conversation some other time. You look ready to pass out."

Ryland got up from Alex's couch. Alex didn't move.

"Alex?"

"Mm?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

There was that look again. Like he wanted to say yes, but was scared to.

"What if I-"

"If you do, I won't be mad." He smiled sleepily.

Alex smiled back.

Ryland sat back down. Alex immediately wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Ryland was shocked, but began to doze off.

Ryland had almost fallen asleep when Alex spoke up.

"Um, hey Ry?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you find these boxers?"

Ryland's face turned pink. 

"Oh, um… they're mine. I couldn't find any of yours. Sorry."

Now Alex was blushing.

"You're not worried that I'll ruin them?"

Ryland wrapped an arm around Alex's waist, holding him close.

"I'm worried that you aren't gonna go to sleep because you think I'll be upset if you wet yourself again."

"Oh." The room was quiet for a moment. "Will you be?"

"Of course not. Was it not clear that I want to help?"

"It was. Sorry. And thanks… for helping."

Ryland yawned. "No problem, buddy."

He figured Alex would have something else to say.

Instead, Alex was snoring quietly against his chest. 

Ryland sighed.

'God,' Ryland thinks. 'Alex is lucky I love him.'

Ryland caught himself.

Did he love Alex?

He wasn't sure he wanted to go down that road right now.

He had enough to worry about regarding Alex.

He fell asleep, hoping he would forget those thoughts by the morning.

Yeah.

He definitely doesn't love Alex.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryland was glad to find that him, Alex, and the couch were dry when he woke up. Cleaning the couch, doing laundry, and dealing with a crying Alex is a lot to wake up to.

Alex was still curled up next to him, his long arms wrapped around his waist, and his head against his chest as his hair splayed out across him. 

"Alex, wake up buddy." He gently shook him awake.

"Mmph.." Alex groaned.

"C'mon, man. It's your turn to make breakfast. Get up."

Alex untangled himself from Ryland. He sat up, sleepily running a hand through his messy curls. 

"But I'm too tired to make breakfast." Alex whined jokingly.

"Well I'm always tired and you still beg for omelets, so you owe me."

Alex stood up, his back made a loud popping noise that made Ryland wince.

"Whaddya want for breakfast, Ry?" Alex asked dreamily. "Wait, don't tell me... waffles?"

"Woah, that's impressive."

"What can I say, Ry? I'm a man of many talents."

Ryland laughed, rolling his eyes. "Just hurry up and go make some damn waffles. I'm gonna go take a shower."

Alex stumbled into the kitchen, still trying to wake himself up.

He prepared the batter, stirring it as he finally felt fully awake. He made a last minute decision to add blueberries and cream cheese. He liked surprising Ryland.

Just as he was finishing, he heard Ryland wandering into the kitchen. He placed two waffles on each of their plates, covering them each with butter and pecan syrup. He placed a plat in front of Ryland, and one in front of himself. Ryland examined the waffles.

"Are these blueberries?"

"And cream cheese." Alex pointed at him with his fork, his voice already muffled by waffles.

Ryland took a bite of the waffles. He let out a moan, only to immediately regret it.

Alex laughed, almost choking on the food in him mouth. "Did you just moan over a waffle?"

Ryland blushed. "Shut up. You should take it as a compliment."

Alex took another bite. "If you have an orgasm because my waffles are so amazing, I will be impressed."

Ryland couldn't help but laugh. "This is why I beg you to make breakfast."

"Orgasmic waffles?"

Ryland was trying not to choke on his food. "Not quite what I meant, but yes."

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● 

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Ryland played video games while Alex watched him, they made lunch, had their usual nonsensical conversations. Yet despite the lack of events, the day was quickly over.

Ryland was about to head to his room and go to sleep. He instead went to talk to Alex.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"If you need to wake me up for anything, just knock on my door, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay."

"And that means anything. I don't want you to be alone anymore."

Another nod. "Okay," He looked at him, smiling shyly. "Thanks, Ry."

Ryland returned the smile. "No problem."

Ryland closed his door behind him and sighed. He really didn't want to sleep. He wasn't very good at helping Alex when he'd just woken up. If he needed him, he wanted to help as best as he could.

He laid down on his firm mattress, battling himself on whether he should sleep or not.

Eventually, exhaustion won over, as he drifted asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Ryland wasn't shocked by the hesitant knock on his door that came near 1 a.m. He had a feeling Alex would come to him for one reason or another.

"Come in."

Alex opened the door, but remained standing in the doorway. 

Ryland felt around in the darkness to find the lamp on his bedside table.

Alex was still in the doorway, tugging at the hem of his shirt, trying to hide the wet spot on his boxers. 

"I had a nightmare, I-I'm sorry..."

Ryland cocked his head as he moved towards Alex.

"What're you sorry for?"

"F-for bothering you. And...and for waking you up... and-"

Ryland pulled him into a hug, careful to keep his own clothes dry this time.

"You don't have to be sorry. I asked you to wake me up if you needed to. I would've been upset if you had decided to do everything by yourself."

Alex sniffed as a response.

"Alright, you go ahead and get a shower, I'll deal with laundry."

Alex nodded, walking towards the bathroom. He halted.

"Um, Ryland?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"I-um, my bed needs to be cleaned too. I-I can do it m-myself if-"

"I'll handle it, Alex. Don't worry."

Alex nodded, walking off.

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Alex had been in the shower for longer than normal. Ryland went to check on him.

He knocked. "Alex? You okay, buddy?"

"I'm fine."

"Alex, you need to get out so you can get some sleep. I don't need you fainting." Alex sighed, defeated. He was out shortly after that.

When he stepped out, Ryland greeted him.

"C'mon, I'm getting you to sleep." Ryland pulled him by the wrist to his room.

"Wh-why am I sleeping in your room?"

"Because your bed won't be dry until later. Besides, didn't you say you had a nightmare?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah but-"

"Exactly. Sorry, I don't make the rules. You had a nightmare, you have to stay with me." He pulled him onto his mattress, laughing.

"Ow, dude, your mattress feels like shit. You need a new one."

Ryland put on a fake offended look. "How dare you insult my mattress!"

Alex giggled.

'He's so cute.'

Ryland shook away that thought almost as quickly as it came to him.

He really needed some sleep.

"When can talk about how insulted I am that you would be so rude to my mattress tomorrow. We both need sleep." Alex nodded.

Alex wrapped his arms and legs around Ryland like a koala. His arms wrapped around his waist and his legs tightly straddling Rylands thigh. His hair was splayed along their shared pillow.

Ryland took a moment to enjoy how Alex's hair perfectly frames his face. And how his chest gently rises and falls. And his small snores that fills the room. He thought about how he loves the feeling of Alex wrapped around him.

'I love everything about him.'

He didn't ignore the thought. He didn't push it away.

But he didn't focus on it. He didn't want to.

He needed to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex woke up to the sound of footsteps outside the bedroom. He hesitantly moved towards the door, expecting an intruder on the other side. Instead, when opening the door, he was met with a hand inches away from hitting him instead of the door. Ash was standing there, smirking.

"Ash? What're you doing here? Practice isn't until a couple days."

Ash shrugged. "We don't have anything else to do."

"Wait, we?"

"Yeah, the whole team came over." She walked into the kitchen, sitting down at their table.

"Who the hell let you in?"

"Lorenzo has a key, duh."

Alex sighed.

"Don't worry. We'll keep Kamal in check."

"I'm not worried about Kamal, I'm worried that you guys think you can just break into our house!"

"Legally, we can!" Lorenzo called from the living room.

"Whatever. Ryland isn't awake so I guess I'm in charge of making breakfast. For six people." He opened the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs. He turned back to Ash, who was smirking.

"What?"

She laughed.

"Did you and Ryland have fun last night?"

"Wha- Ash, we didn't fuck!"

"You were sleeping in his room."

Alex blushed. "We didn't fuck." He repeated.

"Then why were you in his room?" Ash pressed.

"It doesn't matter..." Alex was a lot quieter than normal. "So drop it."

"Shit. Shit, I'm sorry Alex. I shouldn't have pressed."

Alex sighed. He couldn't stay mad at anyone. "It's okay. What do you want in your omelet?"

"We're makin' omelets?" 

Ryland had come out of his room.

"Yes, Ry. We're making omelets."

Ryland smiled at Alex. His smile faded.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He was pointing at Ash.

Alex laughed. "How did you not noticed her until now?"

"I'm tired, man."

Ash shrugged. "At least you didn't walk in to find Kamal."

"Fair point." He reached in the fridge to pull out the orange juice. "Wait, he isn't here, is he?"

"Unfortunately, yes, he is." Ash replied.

"Y'know I can hear you dipshits, right?" Kamal yelled from the other room.

Ryland groaned.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Everyone crowded the kitchen, enjoying their omelets. Kamal finished his first, immediately demanding another. Alex obliged. Though Kamal's tone was impolite, Alex took his demand as a compliment.

Everyone else asked for seconds as well.

For once, everyone was actually having decent conversations without insulting each other. Alex thought he would faint when Sam and Kamal actually spoke to each other without fighting.

Eventually, mostly everyone moved to the living room, while Alex and Ryland stayed in the kitchen, sitting across from each other.

Ryland grinned. "Nice job, man. You got them to have breakfast in the same room and we didn't even have to stop a murder."

Alex laughed. As quickly as he had started, he froze.

Ryland stared at him, confused. "Alex?"

Instead of a response, Ryland heard a small hissing noise and the pitter-patter of liquid hitting the linoleum floor.

"Alex..." Ryland said gently.

"I-I'm sorry." Alex's eyes were welling up with tears.

"It's okay, Lexi. It's not your fault, you can't help it."

Alex's breath hitched, as he let out a muffled sob.

"Oh no, Lexi, please don't cry." Ryland was shaking. He hated when Alex cried.

Alex sniffed, willing himself to stop.

"Go get a quick shower. I'll deal with everything else." Ryland rubbed Alex's back. "No one will find out, okay buddy?" Alex nodded.

Good thing everyone is busy.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day was spent with the team playing as many video games in Ryland's collection as possible. Ryland made sure to occasionally tap Alex's shoulder and remind him to go to the bathroom while the team was preoccupied.

It was nearly midnight by the time Ryland decided to kick everyone out. They still had to clean up.

Ryland sighed. "I'm buying a new lock for our door."

"Aw, c'mon Ry. It was fun!" 

"It was, but nothing is stopping them from doing this again. You and I are losing sleep as it is."

Alex blushed. "Sorry."

"I didn't mean it like that, Alex. I'm not blaming you."

Ryland put away the rest of the controllers that had been strewn about.

He yawned. "Fuck this, we can clean up tomorrow." Alex nodded in agreement.

"If you need me for anything, don't be scared to wake me up, okay?"

"Mmm."

Ryland entered his room, practically collapsing onto his mattress.

Despite his exhaustion, Ryland found himself unable to sleep.

After twenty minutes, he heard Alex sleepily stumbling towards his room. Alex stopped in front of the door.

"You can come in." Ryland told him.

He opened the door.

"Are you okay?" Ryland asked.

"I'm fine, I just..." He shifted from foot to foot nervously. "I tried to sleep but I felt lonely and I just wanted to know if I could... could I sleep in here, please?" Alex spoke quickly and quietly, halfway hoping Ryland wouldn't hear him so he could back out and avoid rejection.

"Of course you can stay in here."

Ryland moved over to make room for Alex.

"Thanks."

Alex crawled next to Ryland, wrapping his arms around his waist and straddling his thighs.

"Hey Ry?"

"Yeah?"

"You're real warm." He mumbled happily. "It's nice."

"Um, t-thanks." He stuttered.

He nuzzled against Ryland's shoulder. Soon, his soft snores filled the room.

Ryland could finally sleep.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Ryland woke up at around 5 a.m. He was unsure of what woke him up, but was unable to fall back asleep. 

He focused on how Alex's hair cascaded in every direction, and how he could feel his chest rise and fall against his side. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. Alex began to stir.

Alex opened his eyes, blinking owlishly. He stared at Ryland. His body had gone completely stiff.

"Alex?"

No response.

Ryland realized what was happening.

Alex was having a sleep paralysis episode.

He pulled Alex close to him, rubbing circles into his back.

Ryland winced upon feeling a wet warmth spreading across him and Alex.

He didn't dare pull away from him.

Alex's body relaxed. He started shaking.

"Alex?"

He whimpered as a response. It developed into a sob.

"Shhh, it's okay Lexi."

He kept rubbing circles into him.

God, he wanted Alex to stop shaking. 

He felt him finally stop shaking.

"Are you okay, Lexi?"

He nodded against his chest. "Thank you."

He helped Alex stand up.

"S-sorry about your bed..."

"It's okay. I, um... I thought this might happen so I put a plastic sheet on my mattress. I just have to wash the sheets."

Ryland began gathering the sheets.

"You should go get a shower."

Alex nodded. He had started shaking again.

"Oh Lexi, please stop shaking." Ryland's voice sounded hurt.

"C-could you stay with me? Please."

"Of course. How about you go ahead and get in the shower, I'll wash the sheets and when I come to bring you some fresh clothes, I'll stay. Okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Ryland gathered the sheets and his and Alex's wet clothes quickly. He changed into an old pair of sweatpants and a grey shirt. Then, he grabbed a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt for a band he had never heard of.

He knocked on the bathroom door. Alex gave him a small sound, barely audible over the sound of the shower, that told him he could come in.

"You're clothes are on the counter," He looked around the bathroom for a moment, then pulled himself onto the counter to sit. "And I guess I am too." Alex chuckled.

He smiled at the sound of him laughing.

Ryland sat there, enjoying the calming sound of the shower, and the way the whole room was steamy, and the way Alex would occasionally hum a melody he didn't recognize.

"Do you wanna talk?" He asked Alex.

"No, not really. Sorry. I just- I wanted you to stay with me."

Ryland blushed. He nodded, then remembered Alex couldn't see him. "It's fine."

He heard Alex turn the shower off.

"Could you hand me a towel?"

Ryland opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a towel, handing it to Alex.

"Thanks."

They both remained in silence for a moment.

"Um, Ry?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you move over a bit and face the door?"

Ryland was confused for a moment.

"Oh, yeah."

Ryland faced the door. He heard Alex step out of the shower. A voice in the back of his head told him to sneak a quick peak of Alex. He enjoyed the thought, but didn't dare to actually do it. But he would still let himself imagine the scenario.

"I'm done." Alex pulled Ryland out of his fantasy world.

Ryland turned around. He wasn't sure why.  
It wasn't like he was dressing up for some occasion, and he had to decide if his outfit was appropriate. Alex was dressed the same way he usually was. But he still turned around to look at him. 

And he probably stared for too long. 

Alex cocked his head.

"Your face is really red, Rylie. Are you feeling okay?"

Ryland felt his blush grow darker at the sound of the nickname.

"Fine. I'm fine. We should get back to sleep."

Alex yawned. "Yeah."

Alex practically clung to Ryland on the way back to the room, sleepily leaning against him, tugging on his shirt, and almost grabbing a hold of his hand.

Ryland was glad it was dark and Alex was too tired to pay attention to how red his face was.

They both crawld into bed, and Ryland felt Alex almost immediately fall asleep against him. 

And Ryland was staring again.

Just admiring him.

He sighed quietly.

God.

He needed to do something about this little crush.


	7. Chapter 7

Ryland was woken up by Alex grinding against his thigh.

Oh god.

He bit down on his lip, trying to keep himself from making any noise.

He relished in the feeling for a moment, before reminding himself of what was likely the reason Alex was doing it in the first place.

He shook Alex's shoulder.

"Alex. Wake up."

"Mmph."

Alex blinking owlishly, before quickly propping himself up, still sitting on the mattress.

He had his legs folded underneath him, with his thighs clamped around his hands which were firmly gripping between his legs. He didn't move to stand.

"Alex?"

"H-help."

Ryland hopped off of his side of the bed and rushed over to Alex's side. 

He helped Alex out of bed. 

Ryland slowly eased Alex out of his room.

They slowly inched their way to the bathroom.

As soon as Ryland opened the bathroom door, Alex clumsily inched his way in. Ryland closed the door for him and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast.

After a few minutes of preparing bacon, he noticed Alex hadn't come back.

He knocked on the bathroom door.

Alex didn't respond.

He sighed, opening the door.

Immediately, he heard small sniffles filling the room.

He walked over to the bathtub, pulling back the shower curtain.

Alex looked up at him. He was sitting there with his knees pulled up to his chest, his eyes full of tears. The smell of urine was apparent on him.

"Oh Lexi, what happened?"

"I-I couldn't make it. I t-tried, but the bathtub was closer and I j-just..." He let out a pitiful whimper.

Ryland brushed Alex's hair out of his face.

"It's okay, Lexi."

"Thanks, Ry."

Alex shifted.

"Could you hand me a towel?"

Ryland cocked his head. "Sure, why?"

"I'm tired of showers."

Ryland nodded, handing him a towel.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"If you wouldn't mind?"

Ryland smiled. 

"I don't mind."


	8. Chapter 8

Alex and Ryland decided to make breakfast together. Ryland left most of the actual cooking to Alex, since he felt like he was much better than him anyway.

Ryland watched him prepare the eggs and bacon. He watched him methodically move everything across the kitchen. He admired the way his long legs carried him quickly.

He sighed quietly.

God, how could he admire every little thing about Alex?

He was overwhelmed by it all. He had finally stopped pushing his thoughts away and now he couldn't stop thinking about how much he loved Alex.

He had consumed his every waking thought. He felt like everything came back to him.

And the more he thought about Alex, the more he feared what would happen if he told him. Alex was becoming his everything. He didn't want to lose him.

He got so lost in his thoughts, he was only brought back by Alex speaking to him as he placed a plate in front of him.

"Ryland?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm... I'm fine, I just have something on my mind."

Alex sat down next to him.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No... I mean, yes, but..."

He sighed, frustrated.

"It's like, I want to talk about it, but I want to talk about it without having to worry about if things will work out, y'know?"

"I guess I get that."

"And like, I could fuck up so much if I talk about it. And I don't wanna risk that. I don't wanna lose-" He didn't let himself say 'you'.

"Lose what?"

He shrugged. 

"Anything?" He lied.

Alex looked at him in suspicion.

"Lose what, Ryland?"

Ryland willed himself to stay quiet, looking away from Alex.

"Ryland?"

'Don't say it. Don't say it.' He told himself.

"You..." He mumbled.

"What?!"

"I don't wanna lose you." 

Ryland knew he should've dropped the subject earlier. He could've just said he was spacing out and that he was fine.

"You won't."

"You don't know that."

"I'm not gonna leave you. I love you, man."

Ryland slammed his fists against the table. Alex was taken aback.

"But that doesn't mean anything! You love everyone because you search so hard for something worth loving! But I don't love people like you do."

Alex was frozen.

"But I love the way you wrap around me while we sleep, and I love how you smile at me when you first wake up. I love when you lean against me when you're tired and when you give me stupid nicknames that make me blush and I think your laugh is really cute and I don't know what to do because I've never loved anyone like I love you."

Ryland felt like he was going to faint. He was out of breath and his heart was beating impossibly fast and he was terrified. He felt himself being pulled roughly and he could barely process what was happening.

Alex pulled him close and pressed their lips together. It was messy, like Alex had never kissed someone before. But it was happening, nonetheless.

Ryland was breathless when he pulled away. 

"Was... Was that too much?" 

Ryland laughed breathlessly. "No, no. That was fine."

Alex laughed. "I've been waiting to do that for forever."

"You need a little more practice."

They laughed.

They returned to their breakfast in blissful silence.

Alex stared at Ryland, smirking.

"What?"

"Your face is really red, Rylie." He teased.

"Shut up." Ryland said with a smile.

Alex was still smirking. "I think I get to tease you extra now that you're my boyfriend."

Rylands blush darkened.

Alex's was no longer smirking, instead giving Ryland a sweet, comforting smile.

"Do you like that? When I say you're my boyfriend?"

"Yes..."

Alex smiled blissfully. "Good. Because you are."

Ryland smiled back, still blushing.

"Good."


	9. Chapter 9

Breakfast had taken a lot out of the two. They opted to relax for the rest of the day. Alex watched Ryland play video games. He curled up at his side, basking in being able to show his affection the way he had wanted to for so long.

Ryland noticed how long they had been sitting there without any breaks.

"Alex."

"Mhmm?"

"You need to use the bathroom."

"I do?"

"We've been sitting here for three and a half hours. I'm sure you need to go."

Alex blushed, nodding. 

Ryland took note to remind him to use the bathroom every two hours.

The day went by quickly for the two. By 9 p.m., Alex had dozed off, trying to wrap himself around Ryland as best as he could while still sitting upwards. Ryland ended his game and gently shook him awake.

"Alex. Wake up."

" 'm tired."

"I know. I need you to get up for me, okay?"

Alex sleepily gave a thumbs up. "Just for you, Ry-Ry."

Ryland blushed. "Right. C'mon, up." 

Ryland practically carried Alex to their bedroom.

Alex immediately crawled into bed, curling himself into a ball.

Ryland curled up beside him. Alex instinctively latched on to him. 

Ryland found it odd how quickly Alex had gotten tired. Sure, both of them had lost a lot of sleep lately, but he thought it would've hit them both sooner than this.

The more he thought about it, the more tired he got. He yawned. Maybe it wasn't that odd after all.

He fell into a deep sleep for the first time in ages.

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Despite his deep sleep, Ryland was woken up. 

For a brief moment, he thought it was the absence of Alex curled up next to him. But soon after, he heard Alex coughing from across the room. It was the kind of coughing that made you think you were gonna damage your lungs.

Ryland shot out of bed, turning on the light and rushing over to him.

Alex was sitting on the floor, hunched forward, with his legs folded underneath him as he tried to stop coughing. Unsurprisingly, there was a puddle beneath him.

Ryland crouched down in front of him. He straightened Alex up, allowing him to breathe.

"C'mon, Lex. Breath."

Alex managed to stop coughing.

He looked up at Ryland with tear filled eyes.

"I-I'm sick." He whimpered. His voice was rough and scratchy.

Ryland brushed Alex's hair out of his face. "I see that. We'll get you cleaned up and then we can go get some medicine, okay?"

Alex looked at him with confusion.

"C-cleaned up? What do y-you- oh." Alex had evidently been so focused on not collapsing a lung, he hadn't noticed that he wet himself.

"Oh, shit. I-I'm sorry, Ry."

"It's okay. C'mon, stand up."

"Could y-you help me?"

Ryland nodded, pulling them both off of the floor. He was shaking, and he could barely stand up.

They stumbled their way to the bathroom. 

Ryland sighed as Alex tried to move to the shower without him. He gently pulled Alex back towards him.

"You can't shower by yourself."

"W-why not?"

"You can barely stand, Lex."

"You c-can shower w-with me."

Ryland blushed. "I'm just gonna run you a bath."

Alex whimpered.

"Do you... do you actually want me to shower with you?"

It was Alex's turn to blush. "Y-yeah, kinda? I th-think it would be a big step f-for us."

"Don't you think it's a bit much right now? It feels too early for something like that."

"I'm mean, if you r-really don't want to, I understand. I j-just thought it would be nice."

"I mean, I'm not against it, I actually really like the idea. It's just that I don't really-" Ryland froze, sighing. He didn't want to finish that sentence. 

"I'll do it."

"You s-sure?"

Ryland smiled nervously. "Yeah. I'm sure."

Alex gave him disoriented smile.

Alex was so unsteady it took almost five minutes to get him undressed with having him collapse.

Once he was undressed, Alex sat on the edge of the bath, trying to steady himself. Ryland was just trying not to stare at him.

"Y-you know you're allowed t-to look at me, right?" 

Ryland looked at him.

Even when he's perched on the side of the bath, sick, tired, and completely naked, he still looks amazing.

"L-like what you see, R-Rylie?"

Alex laughed, which developed into another coughing fit.

Ryland straightened him up, then firmly hit him on his back. He stopped coughing.

"Thanks."

Ryland hesitantly undressed, nervous knowing that Alex was watching him.

His entire body was flushed. Alex found it cute. He found most of everything about Ryland cute.

Ryland tried to not let his movements show his nervousness. He walked over to start the shower and carefully helped Alex step in. He tried to hold on to Alex firmly, helping him keep his balance. Alex preferred to lean his head against his chest.

He pulled away and looked at Ryland with tired eyes and a loopy smile.

"You n-never answered my question."

"Hmm?" Ryland cocked his head.

"How do I look?" Alex's tone was clearly teasing, yet a part of him still wanted the answer.

Ryland gulped. "You look great."

Alex gave a pitiful 'yay', then nuzzled back into his chest.

He couldn't seem to help himself from caressing Ryland's arms and dragging his hand from his chest to his stomach. He loved every inch of Ryland.

"You...You l-look beautiful, Ry."

Ryland didn't respond to his compliment.

"Ry? Y-you heard me, r-right?"

"Yeah." Ryland did his best not to sound irritated. He wasn't annoyed with Alex. He was annoyed with himself for agreeing to this.

Alex looked at him, concerned. "Ry-?"

"Can we just get out now?" Ryland asked him.

"U-um, yeah."

They carefully stepped out of the shower. Ryland got dressed quickly as possible.

"Fuck." Ryland groaned.

"What?"

"I forgot to grab some clean clothes for you. Will you be okay staying in here for just a minute?"

Alex gave a thumbs up, wrapping himself in a towel and slowly easing himself to sit on the edge of the bath again.

Five minutes passed. Alex sighed. He stood up, propping himself against the wall. He wandered to Rylands room.

Ryland was sitting in front of his mirror, only to turn around upon seeing Alex in the reflection.

"Oh, uh. Sorry. I got distracted. Here." He handed Alex a small pile of clothes. Something seemed off.

Alex looked at Ryland with sympathy.

"Y-you're crying."

Ryland blinked rapidly. "What? No, I'm fine."

Alex nodded, not believing him. He got dressed, then sat down beside Ryland.

Alex exhaled an unsteady breath. "I know y-you're lying."

"What?!"

"I saw y-you crying."

Ryland looked away, mumbling something.

"W-what?"

"You lied, too." He whispered, still barely audible.

Alex was confused. "What d-did I lie about?"

Ryland tried to keep his breathing steady.

"You said I was beautiful."

"B-but you a-"

"No I'm not!"

Alex winced. "Of c-course you are." He said gently.

"Yeah, right."

"Yes, you are!" Alex began to raise his voice. "Y-you're perfect! Your arms are perfect f-for cuddles a-and I like leaning against y-your chest a-and your thighs look amazing and you're s-so soft a-and warm and not all boney like me and...a-and..." Alex was tearing up.

"Lexi, please don't cry. This isn't worth it."

"Y-you're worth it, Ryland! But y-you can't seem to s-see that. I just want y-you to see what I s-see."

Ryland sighed, pulling Alex close. "Maybe you can help me."

Alex leaned into him. "I'll do my best. It's t-the least I can do." 

Ryland smiled weakly. "Thanks, Lex."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"We need to go get you some medicine."

"I-I know. Can we j-just stay like this a bit longer?"

Ryland intertwined his fingers through Alex's wild mane, slowly pulling them through. "Of course."

Alex sighed, nuzzling against Ryland.

They have a lot of work to do.


	10. Chapter 10

Ryland carefully helped Alex to his car. 

"D-do I have to come with you? 'M tired." 

"I know. But I'm not leaving you by yourself."

Alex huffed playfully, curling up in the passenger seat, attempting to sleep.

He dozed off a couple times before Ryland shook him awake. They were in the parking lot of one of those weird 24-hour pharmacies that always sold candy and greeting cards, and you were always the only one in there.

"I'll be back in a few minutes. Anything you want?"

Alex thought for a moment, still shaking off the haze of sleepiness. Then he smiled weakly.

"Mmm, gummy bears."

Alex always loved gummy bears when he was sick. Ryland never quite understood why.

"Right. Got it." Ryland left, trying his best to quietly shut the door on his side.

Alex remained asleep until Ryland returned. He moved slowly, seemingly trying not to disturb Alex. Alex blinked rapidly, then smiled.

"Heeey, Ry."

Ryland jumped. "Jesus, Lex."

"S-sorry. Didn't mean to s-scare ya."

Ryland's cheeks were flushed. "It's... It's fine."

Alex hummed. "C-can I have my gummy bears now?"

Ryland nodded, reaching into the bag and pulling out the bag of gummy bears, handing them to Alex.

"Th-thanks, Ry-Ry."

"No problem." He placed the plastic shopping bag on the console between them. "Also, heads up, your medicine is gonna taste like shit. I would've gotten pills, but I don't know what you have and I don't think pills are a very good idea since you're coughing so much."

"C-couldn't you have gotten some that t-tasted good?"

"All cough syrup tastes like shit, Alex."

Alex sighed defeatedly, slowly chewing on his gummy bears.

Ryland got them home as fast as possible. It was mostly a blur to Alex. He felt slightly more aware of everything when they pulled into their driveway.

"Alright, c'mon. The sooner we get some medicine in you, the sooner we can sleep."

"I c-can't wait for y-you to get your medicine in me." Alex slurred, smirking.

Ryland groaned. "I'm gonna pretend you don't have any clue what the fuck you're talking about."

Alex giggled, _cute _, Ryland thought. "K-keep dreaming, Ry. I know exactly w-what I said."__

____

"Right. Let's just get inside."

____

Alex wiggled his eyebrows. "A-alright."

____

Ryland sighed.

____

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____

They were standing in the kitchen, and Alex was watching Ryland carefully pour medicine into the small clear cup, then hand it to him.

____

Alex quickly downed the liquid. He almost reflexively spit it out.

____

"Th-that tastes horrible."

____

Ryland shrugged. "Told you."

____

Ryland handed Alex a cup of water, which he finished quickly. Ryland knew it probably wasn't a very good idea to give Alex water before he goes to sleep, but Alex would likely find something to drink either way.

____

Alex placed the cup on the counter and stumbled a bit, before slowly walking over to Ryland, sleepily wrapping his arms around him.

____

"C-can we go to s-sleep now?"

____

Ryland nodded, petting Alex's hair. He practically purred as a response, nuzzling his head against Ryland's hand.

____

Ryland carefully made sure Alex didn't collapse on their way to the bedroom.

____

Alex crawled into bed, curling himself into a ball. Ryland laid down beside him, and Alex latched on to him. Ryland returned the favor, wrapping on arm around Alex's waist and using the other to play with his hair. Soon, Alex's snoring filled the room, lulling Ryland to sleep as well.

____


	11. Chapter 11

Ryland woke up as sunlight began to shine into the room. The gentle light perfectly haloed Alex, yet he was undisturbed. The medicine really knocked him out. Ryland smiled tiredly, his eyes half lidded as he brushed several stray strands of hair out of Alex's face. He looked so peaceful, if not a little sick.

Normally, Ryland would've woken Alex up by now. But he need to rest. They both needed to rest. And Ryland was perfectly fine just laying in bed, admiring Alex. 'My Alex.' He thought.

Alex hummed weakly, signaling that he was awake. 

Alex opened his eyes and Ryland immediately changed his demeanor, though he didn't know why. It wasn't like he had to hide anything anymore. He was allowed to look at Alex like that now.

Alex laughed tiredly. "Y'know, Ry... I m-made a joke last night about y-you fucking me. So I think y-you can look at me if you w-want."

"Um...right, okay."

"Ryland?"

"Yeah?"

"Do it. L-look at me the way you were before I woke up." Alex smiled blissfully "I-it made me feel warm."

"That's the sunlight, Alex."

"Y-you are my sunlight"

Ryland blushed. "You're such an idiot."

Alex snuggled closer to Ryland, looking at him with big, innocent, pleading eyes.

"Fine. I... I can try."

Alex smiled, and looked lovingly at Ryland, waiting for him to return the gesture.

Ryland could only nervously stare into his eyes for a moment, before completely averting his gaze and blushing wildly.

"Aw, c'mon Ry. W-what's the problem?"

"You, um... you make me nervous. Good nervous, but still nervous."

"W-what the hell does 'good nervous' even mean?"

"Like, middle school crush nervous."

"Aww, Ry! Y-you have a crush on me!"

"I thought we already established that."

"W-we did." Alex yawned. "I just think you're cute when y-you admit it."

Ryland groaned, hiding under the covers and curling into a ball. Alex pulled the covers away and quickly pecked Ryland on the cheek.

Ryland sighed, sitting up against the headboard. "Whatever, I'll just go make breakfast." Alex snuggled up next to him, holding him tight.

"Do you want breakfast or not?"

"Mmm... breakfast s-sounds nice."

"Then let me up."

"Noooo." Alex whined.

Ryland managed to get off the bed, but was stopped from moving any farther by Alex wrapping his arms around his neck. He started to pull Alex off of the bed.

Alex gave up on being stubborn and stood up, only for his legs to collapse beneath him shortly after.

"Ah!" Ryland caught Alex as best as he could and eased him back onto the bed.

"Maybe you should just wait here while I make breakfast."

"I really d-don't wanna b-be alone right now."

"Okay, um... maybe I could just-"

Ryland hooked one arm around Alex's knees and the other around the small of his back, picking him up bridal style.

Ryland stared at Alex for a moment. Alex stared back. He immediately recognized the same warmth he felt earlier. It was kind of warmth that reminded him of gentle sun rays caressing his skin. He was right. It hadn't just been sunlight. It had been his sunlight.

"Is this okay?"

Alex slowly nodded, silently staring at Ryland.

Ryland carefully carried him into their kitchen.

"Alright, easy..." He tried to put Alex down as gently as he could, which still resulted in Alex stumbling for a moment before sitting down.

The moment Ryland put him down, the warmth faded. He suddenly felt cold. He began to tremble.

"You alright?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah, fine. Just... chills, thats all."

Ryland hummed understandingly. He poured Alex's medicine into the small plastic cup and handed it to him, watching him drink it quickly. Then he pulled out the orange juice. He poured a glass and slid it over to Alex. "I should check your temperature before you eat. If you're not running a fever, it might be a good idea to put on some real clothes."

Alex nodded as Ryland rummaged through one of the drawers before pulling out a thermometer.

"You know the drill."

Alex held the thermometer under his tongue for what felt like far too long before it beeped and Ryland removed it.

"96°. You're a little low. You wanna get changed?"

Alex nodded. Ryland walked to their room and came back carrying a pair of his sweatpants that would be far too loose on Alex. Ryland helped him get changed.

Alex sat down and tried to tie the drawstrings to keep the pants from sliding off his hips. His hand were shaking too much to manage that.

"Here." Ryland tied the strings for him.

"Thanks." A light blush dusted Alex's cheeks. He didn't want Ryland to do everything for him.

Alex watched Ryland prepare pancakes. He shouldn't have been as entranced as he was, but he was lost in Ryland's movements. Ryland turned around to look at him and cocked his head.

"What're you staring for?"

"You're beautiful." Alex said dreamily, propping his head on one hand.

"I'm... making pancakes." Ryland stated, confused by Alex's compliment.

"S-still beautiful."

"You're high off cough syrup."

"A-and?"

"And you don't know what you're talking about."

Alex frowned, but dropped the subject. He held his head in his hands. Why did Ryland have to be so difficult? He understood that Ryland didn't see himself the way he sees him, but if he could just accept the compliment, that would be a start. He just wanted to help Ryland, but he only brushed him off. 

Alex stayed lost in his frustration, arms crossed like an upset child, slightly aware of a plate of pancakes being set in front of him and of Ryland staring at him for a moment, but he didn't snap back into reality until he heard his voice.

"Alex? Hey, it's okay." Ryland brushed his thumb across Alex cheek. Alex brought his hand to the other cheek and wiped away stray tears, staring in confusion. When had he started crying?

His brain was fuzzy for a moment, still not quite back to reality. He looked up at Ryland, confused.

"W-what? What happened? I-" Alex paused.  
"Oh no..." He whimpered. He looked down to find that the sweatpants he borrowed were wet. Alex sniffed as new tears began to take the place of the old ones. He hung his head, avoiding eye contact with Ryland.

Ryland sat next to Alex, slowly pulling his fingers through his messy curls and whispering small, comforting phrases Alex couldn't quite make out. He could hear things like 'It's okay' and 'Don't worry', but it all seemed to fade together. 

"C'mon, it's okay." 

Alex turned his head to look at him. Ryland felt his heart break at the way Alex's innocent, tear filled eyes stared at him. He was frozen for a moment.

"Let's... Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

Alex nodded.

"Can you stand?"

"I-I d-d-don't know..."

Ryland hummed, standing up and trying to ease Alex up with him. Alex stood, his legs violently shaking beneath him. 

"I c-can't move."

Ryland hooked his arms around him, picking him up again. Alex winced as the wet fabric chafed against his skin.

Upon entering the bathroom, Ryland carefully put Alex down, helping to keep him stable as he sat on the edge of the bath.

Ryland sighed. "Alright. We're doing a bath this time."

Alex nodded understandingly, still sniffling slightly.

Ryland started running the bath, while Alex absent mindedly picked at the hem of his shirt. Ryland turned to Alex.

"Are you gonna be okay?"

Alex shook his head.

"What?" Ryland had expected another nod. Alex always nodded for that question.

"I d-don't feel good..."

"Oh, I know, Lexi." Ryland cooed sympathetically.

"N-no, I mean... I f-felt okay, b-but now..." Alex attempted to curl in on himself, but lost his balance. Ryland caught him, slowly moving him back into place.

Ryland simply nodded. 

Alex wasn't sure Ryland really understood.

"Arms up."

Alex silently obliged.

Ryland quickly but carefully undressed Alex, then help his lower himself into the bath.

"S-stay?"

"I wouldn't leave if you begged me to."

Alex almost smiled at his words.

Ryland washed Alex, occasionally muttering something sweet to him when he sniffled or his breath hitched.

It almost scared Ryland, the fact Alex was still so upset. Normally, Alex would've been flirting with him by now. But he just sat there, hiccuping occasionally as Ryland took care of him. Alex had barely cried, yet he was much more upset.

Ryland helped Alex step out of the bath. Ryland wrapped a towel around him. He found a spare pair of pajama pants and boxers he left in the cabinet and helped Alex into them, then slipped his shirt over his head.

Ryland carried Alex to their couch. Alex nestled as close to Ryland as he could. Ryland wrapped his arms around him. He could feel Alex's sporadic breathing.

He brushed stray hair out of Alex's face to look at him.

"Breathe, Lexi."

Alex nuzzled into Ryland's chest

"Alex?"

Alex looked up at him, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks, trying to hold back sobs.

"It's okay. You can cry." As much as it hurt to watch, Ryland knew he needed it.

Alex cried.

He cried and it broke Ryland's heart to watch him. He felt Alex's entire body wrack with sobs and all he could do was sit there, rubbing circles into his back as he played with his hair and quietly told him everything would be okay as Alex let go of all the stress he had let build up.

By the time he stopped, Alex was practically asleep. He was exhausted.

Ryland was frozen, holding Alex close. Alex held tighter, like he would lose Ryland if he let go. 

"Stay." He muttered, before curling up in Ryland's lap and falling asleep.

"I will." He said, petting Alex's wild hair. "I promise."


	12. Chapter 12

Ryland wouldn't let himself fall asleep. He wasn't sure he could. He had expected Alex to break down, but he had just crumbled in Ryland's arms. He needed to be there for Alex when he woke up.

Alex was curled in his lap like a cat. His usual small snores were absent. Only his gentle, even breathing sounded throughout the room. Ryland carefully pulled his fingers through his curls.

Alex's breathing suddenly changed, now more rapid and sharp. He shifted in Ryland's lap, letting out small whines.

Ryland gently shook him awake, recognizing the behavior to mean that Alex was having a nightmare.

Alex sat up, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. Ryland pulled him into a hug. He wordlessly nestled close as Ryland rubbed circles into his back.

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay."

Ryland waited for Alex to calm down, then pulled away slightly.

"Do you wanna tell me about your dream?"

Alex wordlessly blinked at him. He never answered that question, but Ryland liked to make sure he knew it was okay if he needed to. He nestled his head back into the crook of Ryland's neck. 

After a few minutes, Alex pulled away and spoke up, gazing innocently at Ryland.

"Y-you..."

Ryland, slightly startled by Alex suddenly speaking, looked at him curiously.

Alex sniffed, then continued. "Y-you left me..."

"I stayed right here the whole time, just like I promised.."

Alex shook his head, nuzzling against his side. He was crying harder now.

"Y-you got t-tired of me and y-you left me!"

Alex was talking about his dream.

"I'm not gonna leave you."

Alex hiccuped. "I-I'm such a mess and I c-can't even take care of myself and I can't help you a-and-"

"Alex."

He pulled away and looked up at Ryland, attempting to blink away his tears.

"I'm never leaving you, Lexi."

Alex looked at him in silence. Ryland ran his thumb across Alex's cheek, rubbing away stray tears.

"Wh-what if you get t-tired of me?"

Ryland frowned. "How could I ever get tired of someone as wonderful as you?"

"Because... b-because..." Alex was, unsuccessfully, trying to will himself to stop crying. Ryland played with his hair in an attempt to keep him calm.

"Because th-that's what the others d-did..."

Ryland froze, then pulled his hands out of Alex's hair. "What do you mean 'others'?"

Alex sat in silence. He had said more than he had intended. 

"M-my old band mates..." Alex sniffled. "Said... s-said they got tired of their lead s-singer being a big baby wh-who couldn't control his bladder for one n-night..."

Alex winced as he watched Ryland's face shift from concern to anger. Ryland took a deep breath, noticing Alex's reaction and trying to stay calm.

"Those assholes didn't deserve you. They kicked you to the fucking curb for something you have no control over. They shouldn't have left you, but they didn't deserve you to begin with."

Alex stared silently, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. He quietly curled up, leaning against Ryland's side. 

For the first time in what had felt like forever, Alex shyly smiled up at Ryland.

"Thank you, Ry."

Ryland smiled back, pressing a kiss against Alex's forehead.

Alex wrapped his arms around Ryland, rubbing his head against Ryland's arm like a cat begging for attention.

"I love you."

Ryland went back to playing with Alex's hair.

"I love you too, Lexi."


	13. Chapter 13

They didn't do much for the rest of the day. They were perfectly content with nothing but each others company as a means of entertainment. Random conversations would occasionally spark up, or they would just sit in comfortable silence. Occasionally, Alex would shift his position, searching for a new way to cuddle Ryland.

"H-hold on, gimme a sec..."

Alex repositioned himself, and was now sitting in Ryland's lap. His legs were on either side of him. He wrapped his arms around his waist and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

Ryland hummed contently. Something about the weight of Alex in his lap was comforting. It was almost like he belonged there.

Alex slowly fell asleep in Ryland's lap. Ryland wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

Ryland smiled down at Alex, watching as he curled up into a ball. He slowly fell asleep as well.

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Ryland woke up, wincing at the flash of wet warmth spreading across his lap. He gently shook Alex awake. 

Alex whimpered, nuzzling his head against Ryland's chest. 

"I-I'm sorry..."

Ryland cooed sympathetically, pulling his fingers through Alex's hair to relax him. He tilted Alex's head up, pressing a delicate kiss against his lips.

"It's okay, Lexi." He brushed Alex's hair. "It's not your fault."

Alex made a small, pitiful sound as a response.

"Let's go get cleaned up, okay?"

Alex nodded. He eased himself off of the couch, wincing at the sight of the mess he had made.

"Sorry." He apologized again.

"Hey," Ryland cupped Alex's face with his hand. "No more apologies, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

Alex stared silently. That wasn't right. He needed to apologize. He needed to apologize for being a burden and wasting Ryland's time. He just needed to.

"Alex?"

Alex blinked a few times before focusing back on Ryland. He felt him brush his thumb across his cheek.

"You know that, right?" Ryland asked softly.

"W-what?"

Ryland began walking Alex to their bathroom. "You didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to apologize for something you have no control over."

Alex just looked down, slowly walking alongside Ryland. Ryland was suspicious that this behavior meant something, and he was sure he knew what it was.

"Alex?"

Alex looked up.

"Did your band mates tell you that you have to apologize?" 

Alex nodded slowly.

"Oh, Lexi..."

He sniffed. "T-they got mad if I didn't apologize for being a waste of their time..."

Ryland sighed. "You're not a waste of time. I know it isn't easy to convince yourself this, but nothing those guys told you was true. You're not wasting my time, you're not a burden, I'm not gonna leave you, and you don't have control over your problem. And that goes for whatever else those lying assholes told you."

Alex sat down on the bathroom counter and nodded silently. He wasn't sure what to say. To be told that something so deeply ingrained into him was a lie... he wasn't sure how to react. Alex supposed he would just have to believe Ryland.

Ryland started the shower, trying to reach a good temperature.

"Bath, p-please..."

"I have to get clean too, Lex. "

Alex made a small sound as a response. He kicked his legs slightly, wincing as the wet fabric chafed against his skin.

"We c-could both fit."

Ryland looked back and forth between the bath, himself, Alex. He sighed.

"We can try."

The two undressed. Ryland lowered himself into the bath first, hissing slightly. He had made it too hot.

"C'mon." He beckoned Alex.

Alex lowered himself, sitting between Ryland's legs.

Ryland blushed. "That's not... quite what I was thinking, but... okay."

Ryland gently cleaned Alex. The gentle caress of the washcloth and Ryland's hands on his skin relaxed him. Alex hummed contently. This was nice.

Alex jumped when Ryland began cleaning between his legs, because that was... that was *too* nice.

"Sorry. Should've given you a warning."

"It's fine."

Warmth pooled in Alex's stomach. Every touch from Ryland made him shiver.

Ryland gently cleaned Alex's inner thigh. Alex clenched his legs together as the warmth in his stomach turned into arousal.

Ryland cocked his head in confusion as he pulled his hands back.

"You okay?"

Alex's entire body turned red as his dick twitched between his legs.

"I-its nothing. I-I'm fine."

Ryland shrugged, and continued. Alex willed himself to keep his legs in place, but couldn't control the occasional twitch of arousal. 

Without thinking, Alex thrusted his hips forward, then froze.

Ryland leaned forward to meet Alex's face.

"What was that?"

"I-I... um, I just..." Alex trailed off.

Ryland looked Alex up and down. It didn't take long for him to notice that Alex was half-hard. Alex groaned in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I-I made this w-weird."

"Dude, I think you're allowed to pop a boner around me. You're my boyfriend." Ryland still stuttered slightly when saying 'boyfriend'. He wasn't quite used to it yet.

"I g-guess you're right..."

"Of course I am."

Ryland helped Alex out of the bath. Alex promptly covered himself with a towel.

"It's not that big of a deal, Lex."

"Exactly! If was f-fully hard, I-I wouldn't care that much. But instead I'm h-half way between being horny and w-wanting to die."

"You say that like it isn't normal."

"It isn't!"

Ryland shrugged. "Speak for yourself. I'm always horny and ready to die."

Alex giggled.

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Ryland dragged Alex to the kitchen.

"D-do I have to take the medicine? I-I'm fine." He whined.

"You need to take it until your temperature is back to normal and you stop shaking so much."

Alex pouted exaggeratedly. 

Ryland handed him the small plastic cup. Alex gulped it down, shuddering at the taste. Ryland handed him a glass of water.

"Alright. Whaddya wanna do now?"

Alex yawned. "Sleep."

"Again?"

He nodded.

Ryland sighed. "Well, you are sick. That's probably the best thing to do right now."

Alex gave a sleepy 'yay'. He made an attempt to cuddle Ryland while they were still standing.

"Do you want me to carry you again?" Alex nodded against his shoulder.

Ryland hooked his arms around him and carefully moved him to their room.

He gently put Alex down, where he immediately curled up on the mattress. Ryland sat on the other side of him, since he had no intention of sleeping.

Alex moved closer to him, resting his head in Ryland's lap. He nuzzled against his leg before humming contently and settling down. Ryland pet him delicately.

Ryland absent mindedly scrolled through his phone, his spare hand playing with Alex's chaotic mane. 

Alex soon fell asleep. His small snores now sounded more akin to the purring of a cat.

The light shining through the window illuminated Alex. He looked angelic. Ryland felt like he could sit there and admire Alex forever.

But maybe a few hours would be enough for now.


	14. Chapter 14

It didn't take long for Ryland's eyelids to feel heavy. They slowly started to close, only snapping back to reality as he started to fall forward. He set his phone on his bedside table and leaned back on the headboard. He focused on petting Alex, sleepily stroking his curls.

He carefully draped a blanket over Alex. He wasn't sure he could fall asleep. He tried to relax instead. He closed his eyes and focused on how his fingers intertwined with Alex's mane. The weight of Alex in his lap and his snores and the vague smell of his strawberry shampoo all calmed him. Part of him was halfway asleep, the other keeping him only vaguely aware of his senses as they intermingled. He lost track of time.

Ryland only snapped back into reality when Alex started to move. He'd turned onto his back, yawning as he stretched his long limbs in every direction, almost hitting Ryland in the process. 

Alex blinked a few times. A smile slowly crept onto his face, his eyes still half lidded. 

"Heeey Ry."

Ryland smiled. "Hey."

Alex hummed dreamily. 

"You feeling better?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah."

"I'm glad." Ryland went back to playing with Alex's hair. They sat in blissful silence.

Alex hummed, breaking the silence. "I wanna do something."

"What kinda something?"

"Like... like a date kinda something."

Ryland nodded, signaling for Alex to continue.

"Like, maybe... we could go get dinner somewhere?"

Ryland nodded. "Yeah... we could do that."

"Sweet!" Alex sat up and hugged Ryland, then ran off.

"Wait! You mean right now?!"

"Yeah!" Alex shouted from the other room.

Ryland sighed and began searching for something to wear.

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Alex let Ryland choose the restaurant. He chose a Japanese restaurant that had just opened. Alex didn't really care where they went. He was just happy to be going on a date with Ryland.

The place was small, and was surprisingly empty considering it was new. 

They decided to sit in a booth. They were side by side, as close to each other as they could manage. Alex happily slurped his tonkotsu. 

"Hey, Lex?"

Alex let out a muffled 'hmm?', his mouth still full of ramen.

"Why'd you suddenly wanna go on a date?"

"Mm," Alex swallowed his ramen. "I dunno. I just wanted to spend time with you somewhere other than our apartment."

Ryland smiled, turning back to his tempura. "That's sweet."

Alex grinned. "What can I say, I'm a romantic."

"Shut up." 

They both laughed.

"You are enjoying it, right?"

Ryland nodded. "Yeah. This place is nice. I'm glad it's not too crowded. The food is nice. And, y'know..." Ryland avoided Alex's gaze. "I like spending time with you."

Alex smiled, leaning against Ryland's shoulder. "I love you too, ya big sap." He pulled away.

Alex placed his hand on Ryland's thigh, making him jump slightly. 

"Hey, um... I wanna do something else."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. There's an arcade nearby. I thought you might like to go."

Ryland smiled, finishing the last bit of his tempura. "Yeah. That sounds nice."

Alex's face lit up. He slurped the rest of his ramen down and stood up to leave.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

The arcade was lit up with bright blue and purple neon lights. The entrance was narrow, and widened on both sides. One side had more modern game, with a group of people alternating between games. The other side was full of classic arcade cabinets, and was empty. Ryland was glad it was empty.

Alex bounced on his toes as he tried to get a stuffed Blinky out of a crane machine, occasionally peaking to see which cabinet Ryland had moved to.

He wandered over to Ryland, who was now playing Galaga. He excitedly watched him, but kept quiet to let him focus.

He was slightly aware of a small twinge in his bladder. Then the small twinge quickly turned into a wave of urgency. He shot up, quickly dashing across to where he remembered seeing a bathroom. He was vaguely aware of Ryland calling his name.

He stopped in front of the bathroom door.

Out of Order.

"No no no, fuck." Alex whined. He heard Ryland approaching behind him.

"Alex? You okay? You just ran- oh."

Alex was nervously bouncing and shifting, his hands forming fists at his side to keep himself from grabbing between his legs. His face was somewhere between embarrassment and panic.

Ryland grabbed his hand. "C'mon." The two rushed out.

Alex sat in the passenger seat, blushing furiously as he grasped between his legs. Ryland drove as quickly as he could. They didn't live too far from where they were.

Alex was unable to sit still. He bounced in his seat, rutting against his hands. He let out a pained whimper.

Ryland shot a concerned glance at Alex.

"Does it hurt?'

Alex nodded slowly.

Ryland was silent for a moment. 

"Let go, Lex."

"Wha-? N-no. I-I can hold it."

Ryland sighed. "You're hurting yourself."

Alex whimpered. He was starting to tear up. 

"It h-hurts..."

"I know, Lexi. It's okay. You can let go."

Alex leaned back. He slowly removed his hands from between his thighs, trying to relax enough to let go. A small spurt escaped, then more spurts, then a steady stream. An obvious wet spot quickly grew on his khakis. Alex was a whimpering mess.

As he stopped, it all started to sink in. He just willingly wet himself in Ryland's car.

Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Do you feel better?"

Alex shrugged. He wasn't sure he did. 

He hummed sympathetically. "I know it doesn't feel good, but I didn't want you to hurt yourself."

Alex nodded understandingly. Ryland just wanted to make sure he didn't hurt himself.

He felt a little better.

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Ryland made the shower quick. They were both too tired to stay in there for long.

They wandered to their bedroom. Alex curled up beside Ryland, holding on to him tightly. Ryland pulled a blanket over both of them, snuggling close to Alex. He was starting to get used to this.

He liked getting used to it.


	15. Chapter 15

Ryland woke up, finding that Alex was missing from his side. He wandered out of their room, still yawning. Only now did he realize that the sun hadn't even began to rise yet. 

He checked the bathroom first. It was empty. Ryland supposed that was a good thing. That should mean no crying Alex, right?

He figured the kitchen was his next best bet. Unsurprisingly, the whole house was dark, except for the beams of light seeping from the kitchen.

Alex was sitting at the center table, eating a bowl of cereal. He was wearing a jacket that Ryland recognized as his. It was far too loose on Alex, making him look smaller than normal.

_Cute._

Alex jumped slightly when he noticed Ryland standing in the doorway.

"Oh. Hey Ry."

"Hey," Ryland trudged over to the table, sitting down beside Alex. "What're you doing awake? You feelin' okay?"

"I'm... fine." Alex avoided meeting Ryland's eyes. "I just couldn't sleep."

Ryland didn't believe him. 

"Nightmare?"

"No."

Ryland thought for a moment. "Sleep paralysis?"

"No."

Ryland bit his lip.

"Accident?"

"No!" Alex pounded the table with his fists. Something akin to rage flashed on Alex's face. "Just leave me alone, Ryland!"

Ryland was taken aback. 

"I'm... I'm sorry. You're right, I shouldn't have prodded. I'll leave you alone." Ryland stood reluctantly, walking out of the kitchen.

Guilt pooled in Alex's stomach.

"I... I d-didn't mean that." Alex's voice cracked.

Ryland froze, then turned back around. 

Alex looked so small. He pulled his legs to his chest, wrapping himself in Ryland's jacket. His face reminded Ryland of a scared child. He burrowed his face into his knees.

"I didn't mean it... p-please don't leave me..."

Ryland approached him slowly, carefully, like he would a wounded animal. 

He kneeled in front of Alex, tilting his head up. He brushed his hair out of his face, then pressed a kiss against his cheek.

Alex sniffled. " 'm sorry..."

Ryland wiped away the tear that began rolling down Alex's cheek.

"It's okay. I should've just listened when you said you were fine."

Alex hiccupped. "B-but I'm not..." He shifted. "I mean... I dunno. I think I'm just stressed, and I'm still happy a lot of the time. I just get like this sometimes and I don't really know what to do about it." His breath hitched. "B-but I didn't mean to snap at you."

Ryland kissed him gently. "I know." He stood up, bringing Alex up with him. "You should try to get a little more sleep. It'll help." Alex nodded, following Ryland to their room.

They curled up next to each other. Alex held on to Ryland firmly, nuzzling his head against his chest. Ryland pulled his fingers through his curls, his other arm wrapped around his waist.

"Um, Ry?"

"Yeah?"

"Um... you were right. It was an accident."

"Hmm?"

Alex shifted nervously. "Why I was awake. I... I had another accident."

"Oh." Ryland rubbed circles into his back. "Okay. That's okay."

Alex hummed. "And, um..." His hand traveled down to his lower abdomen, where he pressed down lightly. He winced. "I think I might have messed my bladder up. Er, more than before."

"Does it hurt?"

"It's a little tender, but..." Alex's face heated up. "When I, um... when I wet myself earlier, I barely had to go. I just couldn't hold it."

Ryland hummed thoughtfully. "I was worried something like that might happen."

"Yeah. That's...kinda why I don't wanna go to sleep. I mean, I also just feel like shit right now, but y'know... that kinda plays into it."

Ryland nodded. "I understand. Just... try to sleep, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. Okay." He nestled closer to Ryland. 

Ryland held on to him firmly. He hoped Alex would feel better in the morning.

_God,_ he wanted Alex to feel better. He didn't want to see him cry anymore. He didn't want to feel him sob against his chest. He just wanted him to be okay.

It took a while before he felt Alex's body relax. The absence of Alex's snoring made the room feel too quiet. Ryland found it strange that Alex didn't snore when he was stressed. He figured most people would be the other way around.

He sighed, carefully readjusting his hold on Alex. 

He closed his eyes, hoping Alex would feel better in the morning.


	16. Chapter 16

Ryland slowly drifted into consciousness. He groaned, noting how the sun had yet to begin to peek through the windows of the bedroom. His grimace faded into a smile as he heard a familiar sound fill the room.

Alex's snoring

Ryland isn't sure why he grown to love Alex's snoring so much. But he's been catching himself smiling at little things like that more often. Little things that Alex has done for as long as he's known him, and yet, Ryland had never really thought of them before now.

Was that what it was like, being in love? Just finding small things about the other, something that has always been there, and suddenly it makes you smile.

Like the way Alex's nose scrunches up when he laughs, or how his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles.

Maybe that's what love is.

Ryland laughed.

Man, he was getting sappy.

Alex pressed his forehead against Ryland's chest, whining sleepily.

"Morning." Ryland greeted.

"Is it?"

Ryland reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his phone, checking the time.

5:34 a.m.

Ryland sighed. "Unfortunately."

Alex sighed exaggeratedly. He rolled onto his back, his long limbs sprawled in every direction.

Ryland propped himself up against the headboard, gently nudging Alex to join him. Alex sighed, complying as he sleepily leaned against Ryland's shoulder. Ryland lifted his arms from his side as Alex wrapped his arms around his waist. Alex mumbled something into his shoulder.

"What?"

Alex smiled dreamily, his eyes half lidded.

"So warm."

Ryland blinked in confusion.

"Me?"

Alex nodded against him slowly.

"O-okay?" He stuttered. He wasn't quite used to Alex's sleepy, early-morning compliments, but he didn't question them. It was sweet, even if it was a little weird.

Alex was humming quietly to himself, slowly nodding his head back and forth. Ryland hummed thoughtfully.

"Maybe," He pulled Alex's arms from his waist, then wrapped their blanket back around him. "It doesn't have to be morning just yet."

Alex yawned, curling up in Ryland's lap. He nuzzled against his leg before settling down. Ryland could feel his soft smile against his thigh. Alex's snoring soon filled the room again.

He lost track of time, absent mindedly carding his fingers through Alex's messy curls as he gazed down at him. He watched the his chest gently rise and fall. 

Alex's snoring had stopped at some point. Ryland smirked.

"I know you're awake."

Alex opened one eye, peeking up at Ryland.

"Wait, really?" He rolled onto his back to look up at him. "How'd you know?"

"You snore." He said plainly.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be, I like it," Ryland helped him sit up. "What're you trying to spy on me for anyway?"

"You were staring at me again."

Ryland's face heated up. "I, uh..."

Alex leaned against him, smirking. "I know you were. I could feel it."

"Maybe," Ryland avoided meeting Alex's eyes. "Why do you care so much?"

"Because you don't do that when I'm awake."

Guilt suddenly pooled in Ryland's stomach. Ryland wasn't very good at being affectionate, but he wasn't even trying. Just because he didn't know quite what to do in a relationship didn't mean he had to ignore Alex.

"I'm sorry."

Alex's eyes widened. "Oh, no no no, Rylie. I didn't mean it like that."

"No, you're right. I don't pay enough attention to you."

"You pay plenty of attention to me! I just meant..." Alex looked down at himself, nervously tugging at the hem of Ryland's jacket. "I dunno. I know showing affection isn't as easy for you as it is for me," Alex looked up again, giving Ryland a nervous, yet comforting smile. "But that's okay! It's okay to not know what to do, or to be scared, or confused or... whatever! I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, I just kinda... go for it. But I'm lucky enough to have someone who doesn't question my sporadic affection. You just roll with it, and I love that," Alex looked down nervously. "And I love you."

Ryland blinked rapidly, unable to form words for a moment.

"I... I want to try to be better. More," Ryland gulped nervously. "More affectionate?" He sighed. "I know I'm not any good at this, but... you're right," _You're almost always right._ "I don't know what I'm doing, but if you don't either... then why should I care? I'd rather do something stupid that makes you happy than feel like I'm not doing enough."

Alex could feel the familiar warmth radiating from Ryland's stare. He smiled wide, tackling Ryland with a hug that sent them both tumbling onto the floor.

"Ow!" Ryland proclaimed through his laughter.

Alex laughed, rapidly planting kisses along Ryland's face. They were crammed in between the frame of the bed and the wall, with Alex sitting between Ryland's legs.

Alex pulled away, still giggling. "I love you."

"I love you too, Lexi."


End file.
